Healing your Inner Child is not easy work. It can be painful. It can take time. You may revisit memories and feelings that you have repressed. But it is also healing and can improve every aspect of your life immensely. I want to stress that trauma does not have to be a single event but a way of life as a child. One’s childhood may appear perfect on the outside, but behind the curtain, that child may be living in a dysfunctional family full of trauma. That dysfunction can be traumatic. Trauma does not discriminate, and no one is immune.

Well, that is far from the truth... at least for me. Words hurt! They can hurt from the moment you hear them and may continue to hurt you for the rest of your life. I know this is not coming from a healthy place, but there was a time when I would have rather been hit than be the recipient of someone’s cruel words or given the silent treatment... lack of words hurt too. Now I want none of it!

BE AWARE GRIEVING CAN MAKE YOU VULNERABLE

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary: grief is “deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement.”

According to the New Oxford American dictionary: grief is “deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone’s death.

Life with a narcissist is unbalanced and uncertain. They lie and when confronted they double down, deny, and/or turn it on you. They are erratic. They try to weaken and destabilize you. They are spin doctors. They use word salad. They purposely use language to influence their victim. They use little or no logic, circular discussions, condescending tone, over-generalizing, lying, and focusing on winning. They communicate in a way that will gaslight you. They will manipulate the topic by blame-shifting, projecting, stonewalling, changing the subject, putting you on the defensive, to escape accountability. They will confuse you, make you feel sorry for them, make you feel guilty, and pity them. Sometimes they do this to protect their persona, sometimes to feel in control and powerful, and sometimes just for fun as they watch you suffer.

During a crisis, we may not have the time to look up what we need to do, or we may be too anxious for accurate deductive reasoning. So, if we could learn certain basic information on the many possibilities that may occur, we may be able to act accordingly to what is needed with little thought. I am going to list a few. I hope you would never have to use any of them, but I think it is a good idea to have them in your head for easy access. I also recommend that you decide what are your personal what-ifs. For example, if you live on the beach, what would you do if there is anearby earthquake and a tsunami warning occurs? Well, I am blessed to live on the beach and a tsunami is one of my biggest fears. When I moved here, I looked where experts believe the water would go and I mapped out my exit route. It makes me feel better knowing I have a plan.

Ok, truth be told…you don’t talk to a narcissist. You have NO CONTACT. If the door is left open, you are left vulnerable. They will do whatever it takes to manipulate you to get their needs met. They don’t care if you get hurt. They lack empathy. They only care about themselves. They will not change.

Hypnosis: The induction of a state of consciousness in which a person apparently loses the power of voluntary action and is highly responsive to suggestion or direction. Its use in therapy, typically to recover suppressed memories or to allow modification of behavior by suggestion, has been revived but is still controversial. Origin: late 19th century, from Greek hupnos (sleep)+-osis. (New Oxford American Dictionary)

I share my story to not only help people understand what it feels like to be bullied but also to know that the pain can continue for many years after the bullying occurred and can affect other relationships as well. For example, a person may allow others to treat them in a similar matter because it feels familiar or runs from anyone who acts in a way that resembles such treatment even if they are only playfully teasing them. Bullying is abuse and traumatic and creates wounds that can be triggered after. My experience happened before the internet. I can only imagine that a person’s anonymity can allow them the freedom to be even crueler, inflicting even more pain.

Dancing saved me. Realizing I may be free of pain saved me. I needed to separate myself from my toxic relationship to let go. I needed to get me back. The more I spoke about what was happening, and the more I did things to make me happy outside of my relationship, the easier it became to let go and heal. I will be forever grateful for my friends and my happy places.