From Human Doing to Human Being

Jun 4

This week on Your Traitor Within, I sat down with someone whose work has profoundly influenced the way many of us understand trauma, narcissistic abuse, and healing: Caroline Strawson.

If you've ever found yourself thinking, “I understand why I do this, so why can't I stop?” this conversation is for you.

For decades, mental health conversations focused heavily on understanding our childhoods, identifying patterns, and gaining insight into our experiences. Those things matter. But as Caroline explains so beautifully, understanding alone is often not enough.

Many survivors know exactly what happened to them.

What they don't understand is why their body continues to react as if the danger is still present.

Caroline shares her extraordinary story of surviving domestic abuse, coercive control, PTSD, anxiety, panic attacks, overwhelming debt, homelessness, and the collapse of the life she thought she was building. After years of trying traditional approaches to healing, she discovered what she felt was a missing piece in the conversation: the nervous system.

One of the moments that stayed with me most was when Caroline described spending years believing that her happiness, safety, and emotional regulation depended on someone else behaving a certain way. She realized she had been taught, both explicitly and implicitly, that her worth came from what she did, how she performed, and whether other people approved of her.

As she put it, she had become a “human doing” rather than a human being.

That phrase stopped me in my tracks.

How many of us learned the same lesson?

How many of us were praised for achievement but not simply for existing?

How many of us learned that love was conditional, transactional, or something we had to earn?

We also discuss functional freeze, one of the most misunderstood trauma responses. Many survivors assume that because they are getting up, going to work, parenting, paying bills, and functioning externally, they must be okay.

But internally, they are disconnected, numb, exhausted, and stuck in survival.

Caroline explains why this happens, how unresolved trauma becomes stored in the body, and why chronic nervous system activation often contributes to long-term physical symptoms, autoimmune conditions, digestive issues, and chronic health challenges.

One of the most powerful parts of the conversation is Caroline's reminder that healing is not a destination. There is no magical day when you wake up and suddenly become “healed.” Instead, healing is the ongoing process of building capacity, developing compassion for yourself, and learning to work with your nervous system rather than against it.

We also discuss grief, childhood conditioning, people-pleasing, perfectionism, shame, self-worth, and the importance of helping children understand that they are valuable simply because they exist—not because of what they achieve.

Most importantly, this conversation is about hope.

Not the kind of hope that comes from waiting for someone else to change.

The kind that comes from understanding that you have the power to change your relationship with yourself.

You can learn more about Caroline's work here:

Website:
https://carolinestrawson.com/

Instagram:
@carolinestrawson

Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/carolinestrawson/

YouTube:
@novisiblebruises

Listen to the full episode of Your Traitor Within here:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/your-traitor-within/id1797804404

and watch here https://www.youtube.com/@yourtraitorwithin

Thank you, as always, for being part of this community.