Your Traitor Within: Starting Over After Narcissistic Abuse with Liz Spicer
In this episode of Your Traitor Within, Jessica Anne Pressler sits down with Liz Spicer, a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, a certified functional medicine practitioner, and a trauma-informed coach who helps women rebuild their lives after emotionally abusive relationships.
Liz spent twenty years in a marriage marked by emotional abuse before leaving at age fifty and beginning the difficult process of rediscovering herself. Together, Jessica and Liz explore the grief that follows leaving a long-term relationship, why healing often begins only after the relationship ends, and how the "Traitor Within" can keep survivors questioning themselves long after they've escaped the abuse.
The conversation examines the profound grief that accompanies divorce later in life. Jessica and Liz discuss mourning the future you imagined, the years you invested, your sense of identity, your changing body, your sexuality, and the version of yourself that slowly disappeared inside the relationship. They explain why grief is not a sign that leaving was the wrong decision—it is part of healing.
Liz courageously shares her own story of childhood sexual abuse, growing up feeling unseen, entering a marriage that repeated familiar emotional patterns, and eventually recognizing that what she believed was love was actually emotional abuse. Jessica and Liz discuss trauma bonds, love bombing, radical acceptance, cognitive dissonance, and the difficult realization that healing requires understanding both the narcissist and the parts of ourselves that kept us there.
They also explore what happens after leaving. Many survivors believe freedom should feel immediate, yet Liz explains that this is often when grief truly begins. Jessica emphasizes that healing is not simply understanding what happened to you—it is understanding why it felt familiar, why your Traitor Within protected the relationship, and how to build a life that no longer requires self-abandonment.
The episode also addresses parenting, breaking intergenerational trauma, rebuilding confidence after years of emotional abuse, nervous system healing, journaling, functional medicine, and learning to trust yourself again.
This conversation is a reminder that leaving is not the end of the journey. It is often where healing finally begins.
About Liz Spicer:
Liz Spicer holds degrees in Biology, Forensic Science, and Nursing Practice and is a certified functional medicine practitioner, certified RCT coach, and certified trauma-informed coach. After surviving a twenty-year emotionally abusive marriage, she now helps midlife women navigate the confusion, grief, and identity shifts that follow leaving long-term relationships. Her work combines medical knowledge, trauma education, nervous system healing, and lived experience to help women recognize that they are not broken—they are rebuilding.
Connect with Liz Spicer:
Instagram:
@midlifehealingjourney
Website:
www.midlifehealingjourney.com
Listen to Your Traitor Within:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/your-traitor-within/id1797804404
Watch on YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@JessicaAnnePressler
The Grief No One Warns You About
One of the biggest misconceptions about leaving an abusive relationship is that the day you leave is the day you become free.
For many survivors, that is when the grief truly begins.
This week on Your Traitor Within, I sat down with Liz Spicer to talk about something I don't believe we discuss enough: the grief that follows emotional abuse, particularly after decades of building a life with someone you thought would grow old beside you.
When people think about divorce, they often think about losing a partner.
What they don't always recognize is everything else that is lost.
You grieve the future you imagined.
You grieve the holidays you thought your family would have.
You grieve the years you spent trying to make the relationship work.
You grieve the version of yourself that slowly disappeared while you were surviving.
Liz also shared something I think many women will recognize but rarely say aloud.
As we move through midlife, many women are already navigating menopause, changing bodies, children leaving home, and shifting identities. When those changes happen alongside the end of an emotionally abusive relationship, the grief becomes layered.
It isn't simply the loss of a marriage.
It is the loss of an entire imagined future.
Liz courageously shares her own story of surviving childhood sexual abuse, entering a twenty-year emotionally abusive marriage, and eventually realizing that what she had normalized was not love.
One of the moments that stayed with me most was our conversation about radical acceptance.
Many survivors spend years hoping the narcissist will change.
Healing begins when we stop trying to understand who they could become and begin accepting who they repeatedly showed us they were.
But that is only half of the work.
The other half is understanding ourselves.
Why did this relationship feel familiar?
Why did we explain away behavior that hurt us?
Why did we silence our intuition?
Why did the Traitor Within convince us that enduring pain was somehow safer than leaving?
These are not questions meant to create shame.
They are the questions that prevent us from repeating the pattern.
Liz also speaks beautifully about breaking intergenerational trauma, rebuilding confidence after emotional abuse, nervous system healing, journaling, and discovering that your authentic self was never lost—it was simply buried beneath years of survival.
One thing I hope every listener takes away from this conversation is this:
Leaving is not the finish line.
It is often the beginning.
The beginning of grieving.
The beginning of healing.
The beginning of finally meeting yourself.
You can connect with Liz here:
Instagram:
@midlifehealingjourney
Website:
www.midlifehealingjourney.com
Listen to the full episode of Your Traitor Within on Apple Podcasts or watch on YouTube.
Thank you, as always, for allowing me to be part of your healing journey.
— Jessica Anne Pressler, LCSW
